Mundane Things

Look at a photograph and study the "unimportant" details. The details that are unremarkable are so easy to miss, yet essential. But for those details, we would see a different picture. I believe it's the same way with our lives. Here I offer a "snapshot" of my life, and list some mundane details for your reading pleasure.

* Sometimes I see a young man sitting across from me on the bus as I ride downtown. He is one of the few black men I see riding the SMART Bus Express line. White people, Arabs, Pakistanis, Latinos, black women ... but very few black men. Sometimes I'm the only black guy except for the bus driver. More often than not, my bus is driven by a black woman. The young man who sits across from me wears glasses, khakis, and a collared shirt. He is clean shaven, but does not wear a tie. He is almost always sleeping, so I never get to say "good morning" or ask what he does for a living. I often wonder how he knows when to wake up, and whether he ever misses his stop. Recently I noticed that he has high tech hearing devices in his ears. I wonder if he is almost completely deaf. I wonder if he has many friends. I wonder if he would have more friends if not for his hearing devices.

* There are mice in my attic. I climbed up there and left D-Con packets and traps smeared with peanut butter. A few days later I went up again to see how I fared against the invaders. One trap had gone off, but there was no mouse to be seen. The other traps were untouched. The packets were untouched as well. I think they (one must assume there are more than one) discussed the packets and decided that the poor schmuck who ate the goodies inside last month didn't fare so well. I imagine them saying "That murderous bastard is trying to kill us!!!"

* Last Friday I went to Holiday Market, which is a very trendy place to shop. I thought I would buy a nice bottle of wine, fresh fruit, and maybe some cheese with an exotic sounding name. But when I got there, I saw how expensive everything was. And when I checked my pockets, I only had about $15. I was too proud to purchase a minimal amount of fruit or walk out empty handed. So ... I bought some frozen vegetables, a loaf of bread, and bottled water.

* On the way to work, I always try to get a glimpse of the Book-Cadillac Hotel. It has been closed since the 1980's but is now being restored, with the upper levels serving as lofts. Every day I look to see if I can see any noticeable changes. I can't. It always looks the same. I wonder how it looked at various points in history when people like Al Capone, Jimmy Hoffa, and President Kennedy were guests.

* I have maps on the walls of my office. One of them shows all the countries of Africa. The other day a middle-aged client looked at the map and said "Oh! I didn't know Egypt was in Africa. Isn't that something!" She seemed truly impressed, and quite pleased. I said, "Yes, it absolutely is."

Perception / Reality

Remember that saying "Perception is reality"? It seems so very true to me. But what happens when our perceptions change? Has reality changed? I'm not sure that reality is necessarily constant or static, but I do hope that there are some aspects of reality that never change.

I've been thinking a lot about my own religious beliefs for the past few years. When I write "thinking a lot", I mean assessing. For reasons that are difficult to explain just now, I've been thinking about a lot of issues that I never thought about during my years as a fundamentalist, evangelical Protestant. These "new" issues color my worldview, shake up personal theories, and sometimes cause a considerable amount of frustration.

I have dozens of questions which cannot be answered to my satisfaction. "Where is the Church, the very Body of Christ?" "How can two people allegedly know the Truth with absolute certainty, and embrace theologies that are diametrically opposed to each other?" "Why is healthy intimacy so elusive?" "Why do some people have such awful, awful lives when they've done all they can to have good (or simply decent) lives?"

Some people have answers to these questions. I used to be one of those people. My answers often began with "The Bible says ..." or "As a Christian, I believe ...." Today I'm MUCH more likely to say "I don't know. I really don't know." I still believe in Jesus, but I have less to say about Him. What words could express my connection to Him? If I quoted a Bible verse to describe it, which version would I use?

I had a religious experience at St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City last year. And I had another at the beginning of this year in Lansing, Michigan. I didn't see anything extraordinary during either experience, but each time, I felt convinced that God was near. It is very difficult for me to write about these experiences because, as I wrote above, I saw nothing extraordinary. I only felt something extraordinary, and as I struggle to find the words to describe those experiences, I doubt that you would "get it." Maybe if we spoke in person, but not by reading a blog post.

I believe that both experiences are connected to my previous experiences: attending a church with a very strict Protestant, dispensational worldview; being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, and losing health insurance shortly thereafter; finding myself at a Catholic university, surrounded by very smart, very devout Catholics; wrestling with a bar examination ... the list goes on and on.

My faith is shaped (at least in part) by my perception of reality. I suspect my perception is shaped by a host of things, one of them being my experiences. I'm guessing it's the same way for you. I believe this phenomenon shows how two people who call Jesus "Lord" with love and sincerity can have vastly different understandings of what it means to live as a Christian.

I used to be very concerned with prohibitions: don't look to works for salvation, don't fornicate, don't use profanity, don't drink alcohol (one drop leads to drunkeness!), don't watch R-rated movies, don't engage in worldy activities (i.e. things that are really fun), don't smoke, don't ask a woman out unless you have "serious" intentions, don't dance, don't vote for ungodly politicians (i.e. pro-choice), don't ask non-Christians for advice ....

I was defining my faith, my very self, my reality, by things that I did not do. That's a really shitty way to live. It got really old, really fast, and by the time I was twenty-six, I felt like I was fifty-two. Well, I felt the way I imagined a rather unhappy, fifty-two year old man would feel.

Today I try to put my faith into practice with a "to do" list: be kind to people, pray with sincerity, tell the truth (and remember to be tactful!), defend those who can't defend themselves, listen intently to what others have to say, eat more vegetables, allow people the chance to get close enough to really know you (even when it's easier to remain aloof), give hugs to people you love, cook for people you love, drink beer (in moderation) with people you love ....

My choices and my characterizations of choices shape my reality, my perceptions. My more recent approach to living as a Christian is easier, and more fulfilling. It works for me, and I feel ... right. I am thirty-one years old, and I feel not a year older.