Consigliere

A good friend told me about a very difficult situation he's going through. I listened, and tried to listen some more before speaking. He said he had chosen his best friend (a guy named C) to serve as consigliere as he navigates through these troubled waters.

I don't envy C. His is a difficult task. Does a consigliere get support staff? They never do in the movies.

The three of us sat down to dinner together. We had Italian, no pun intended. I chimed in whenever I felt it was appropriate. I started not feeling so great, and I wondered if it was stress. It might have been; these days I'm feeling like I did at the beginning of last summer. That was a stressful time.

Television

I was on television tonight. One of the local news crews interviewed me about a fundraiser we had for a family I've known for years. Their mom died of a sudden heart attack, and the teenage daughter found her mother's body when she came home from school. My friends scheduled the fundraiser to coincide with the closing of our favorite karaoke bar. It's closing due to the fact that the block were it's located was recently annexed by a town with a ban on the sale of alcohol by the glass.

I didn't want to be on TV. In theory, I think it's cool. But every time I encounter a news crew, I say something stupid, or I start stammering, or they ask me a question to which I don't know the answer. I tried to get out of being on TV tonight, but RMJ and RB insisted that I was the "spokesperson." And the camera guy and the reporter stood there looking at me. So ... I took one for the team and allowed myself to be filmed. I don't think I said anything stupid. I didn't stammer. But of course, they asked me a question and I didn't know the answer. I hate when that happens. When I saw my mom she asked, "How come you didn't tell me you were gonna be on the news?"

Oh, almost forgot. When the server brought my bill, she said "Your first drink was paid for by the big guy over there." I thought "big guy" referred to the owner, to whom I had just been talking. Nooooo .... "big guy" was actually a reference to some big guy sitting at a table in a back corner of the bar. I decided against going over to say "thanks"; you know ... didn't want to give him the wrong impression. In an effort to not seem ungrateful, I waved in his direction as I was saying goodbye to my friends. It was the most masculine wave I could muster. I don't think he saw me as he was talking to someone.

Well, just in case the big guy ever reads this, I want to say: "Thanks for the drink big guy. Hoss. Bro. Amigo. Partn ... wait, not partner. Definitely not partner."

Coffee

My friends and I sat in "Oreo Formation" as we drank coffee.

The Road Less Traveled

I started reading The Road Less Traveled today. It's pretty amazing in my opinion. Funny ... I was just talking about discipline with one of my friends, and that appears to be a major theme of the book. I'm so bad at delaying gratification; I think my life would be easier if I learned to prioritize my commitments, and use my time wisely. I agree with Dr. Peck: this is a natural outgrowth of self-love.

JV sent me a sweet email today that was very encouraging. I had mentioned that yesterday during breakfast, SR said something that upset me a great deal. It made me worried, and very sad. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

J and K had a baby girl. She was born one day early. J said he'd send pics when he got the chance.

Merry Christmas

"And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.'" The Gospel According to Luke, 2 : 9-11

Aslan

I saw The Chronicles of Narnia today, and thought it was great. A couple of my friends suggested that I might be disappointed. Nope.

Aslan was awesome. Fierce, dignified, loving ... everything that one would expect of the one who is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I suspect that those who found the story lacking might have been more satisfied if the story had focused more on one hero rather than four. I'm not sure how that would have played out considering how Lewis wrote the story. Maybe they could have focused more on Edmund's selfishness before his redemption. You know ... really focused on him being a greedy little bastard with the Turkish Delight. Shown him stuffing his mouth with candy, whining when he couldn't have it, etc.

The battle scenes exceeded my expectations. I guess I began to have low expectations based on what MC told me about the movie. He said it "had no 'wow' factor." I figured he meant the battle scenes sucked. Don't get me wrong, it was no Lord of the Rings, but ... what is?

One Two Punch

I'm learning to be disciplined as far as time management. It's rough ... really rough. But when I actually take the time to plan, and choose to delay gratification, it's really rewarding. A friend of mine told me this afternoon "You should focus on studying, and work. It's a one two punch."

One two punch. I'm not really sure what that means. A combo move, I guess. It sounds swift, efficient, capable of inflicting long-term damage on the opponent. I like the sound of it, that's for sure. Especially when I think in terms of becoming more at ease with my schedule.

I don't like the idea of my life being reduced to work and textbooks. That seems to be what my friend was suggesting (I didn't post his comments in their entirety). I do think that he's right about what my primary focus should be at this time. Hopefully, I'll be able to be disciplined enough to accomplish the "necessaries" while still having time to contribute to meaningful relationships. I'm not at my best when I go without human contact for long periods of time.

One more thing before I go. A couple of people close to me have commented that I've been sort of, well ... difficult lately. They attribute it to stress, and after thinking about it, I agree. I don't want to come off as a high strung, or uptight. I want people to enjoy my company. So ... in the spirit of hopeful expectation, I'm adopting a new policy: it's not that big of a deal. Whatever it is, however bad it seems, it's not that big of a deal. Easier said than done, I know. But there's something to be said for people who know how to be tranquil.

A Memorable Event

A family photo from September 2005. The wedding was in Ontario, Canada.

Things Fall Apart

Chinua Achebe's novel Things Fall Apart came to mind this evening. I'm not exactly sure why. I think I was just thinking about books that I've really enjoyed. It's written from such a non-Western perspective. This makes it interesting, refreshing. I didn't find Okonkwo to be worthy of imitation in all ways, but ... he was sort of a badass. He was known for being an achiever. I read a number of Achebe's other work over the years, but the various titles and plots have become jumbled in my mind.

This morning was gorgeous; there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the snow on the ground was bright, bright, white. I stood in front of my house for a brief moment and just took in the view.

D, B, and the kids are moving to Florida. I heard they're excited. I'm happy for them because they've been talking about it for a while.

Joy

About an hour ago, I had a very important conversation with a dear friend. I got some things off my chest, and I feel good about it. I was nervous; I almost chickened out. But I said what I had to say, and both of us are glad I made that decision.

I feel joy. This is a good thing because the coming weeks will be busy, and good feelings can sometimes give that extra little boost when the going gets tough.

In terms of literature, Lion Country is great. It's not quite what I expected, but the more I find out about Antonio Parr, the more I like him. I'm growing more and more intrigued by Leo Bebb too. If I had to choose one author I could meet in person, it would be Buechner. His work always seems to touch the spiritual realm, but it retains a ... primal quality. I like that. That's real.

I'm hoping to have dinner with L this week. And maybe I'll get the chance to see The Chronicles of Narnia with R. And I plan to work hard, making sure I get X amount of hours studying done per day. "X amount of hours" is a private joke ... sort of. The variable gives me some flexibility, but not too much. X never equals zero, and tends to be a large number.

I hope y'all are joyful too. Only a few more days until Christmas.

Foreign Policy

Wow ... I just deleted a whole paragraph. I started to explain my position(s) on American foreign policy and ... well, this isn't the place for it. Why? Because I don't know you (pl.), and the issue is so charged. The war in Iraq has people on both sides of the issue fired up.

I don't feel ready to receive hateful commentary from pacifists, military zealots, or anyone in between. I guess now I'll just receive it from people who are angry because I've refused to "take a stand." That's fine. I pay taxes, and I vote in every election (local, state, and national). I sent mail and prayers over to Iraq. I tried hard to prepare myself for the possibility that a loved one might be returned to my family like freight cargo, in a metal box, with a flag draped over it. Thankfully, he came back to us alive. Different, but still alive.

I am saddened when I think of those who lose life or limb in combat. I am so glad I didn't join the Marine Corps. I almost did ... I was young, angry, and had a hell of a lot to prove. Those aren't good enough reasons to become a Marine. Not for me at least.

We are shaped by our experiences as individuals. I wonder what type of person I would have become had I joined. I wonder how the experience of me leaving would have affected my family and friends. Are they better off because I stayed? I think so ... I hope so. I really do.

Six More Hours

Tomorrow is my last day working as extra help for Marshall Fields during the holiday season. I work from 7 am until 1 pm. Six more hours, and then I'm free. Free to do what? I'll have more time to study. I can put in some time working for RMJ (who pays twice as much as Marshall Fields), and I can devote more time to doing work for SS. In all honesty, I don't like the job at Marshall Fields; the people are nice enough, but I don't like the work. I do package pickup. I receive calls on my walkie-talkie which basically say things like, "Anson, package pickup in luggage," or "Anson, could you go up to gift wrap and take away their extra boxes?".

I'd like something a little more intellectually stimulating.

Tomorrow night, I have two Christmas parties. I'll stop by my sister's first ... that's likely to end earlier. The other party lasts until. I'll need to buy a bottle of wine or a case of beer ... better ask the host which he prefers.

Another goal for tomorrow is reading more of Lion Country by Frederick Buechner. He's one of my favorite authors. Leo Bebb is quite the character.

Flagged?

Um ... why is my blog flagged every time I go to the page? I unflag it, click the back button, and it's flagged again. Hmm ... I don't think there's anything objectionable on here. Hopefully, the folks at Blogger will be able to help me with this problem.

Today I thought about names and how they are so attached to the persons they represent. Almost inextricably linked. My name represents who I am, and when people speak or write it, an image of me is conjured in their minds. I've long been an admirer of those who choose names with a meaning for their children. As far as I can tell, the ancients always did this, and some even kept a child's true name a secret for fear that evil spirits might try to have power over the child. Remember the first book of the Earthsea Trilogy by Ursula K. LeGuin? To know the true name of a thing is to have power over it. I think there is some truth in this.

I'm amazed at how many figures in the Bible were given names according to their mission or as a sign to others: Abraham, Isaac, Jacob (who became Israel), John the Baptist, and of course, Jesus the Christ. How can we dare take names lightly? Why would anyone give a name without meaning?

Chaos

This evening was chaotic. I spent hours looking for some old poems I wrote, and I still haven't found them. That's what I get for being a pack rat. So I began shredding old papers: receipts, letters, articles, junk mail. After filling two trash bags with fresh confetti, it doesn't look like the amount of paper has decreased. *sigh*

Today I received a Christmas card from SH. She and her husband are expecting a baby girl. JF and his wife are also expecting a baby girl; their due date is December 25.

I also had another debate with RMJ about Halle Berry. Sorry ... I'm just not a fan.

Looking Forward

I've been learning how to be hopeful lately. I had sort of forgotten. Life is filled with bumps and bruises, triumphs, empty hours, celebrations. I made the mistake of letting the bumps and bruises and empty hours get the best of me. No more ... I look forward with hopeful expectation.

I will take joy in the small things. I'll count my blessings, put the stamp of enthusiasm on my work, and take another slice of pizza. I'll take pictures, and write poems. I'll try to floss, and wear that damned bite guard the dentist always asks about. I will send my nephews crayons because they are brilliant; how can a young genius go without extra crayons?

Time for bed. Welcome to the beginning of something cool. Thanks for reading, and see you tomorrow.