Wordsmithing

For the last several months my days have been hectic. There is very little time for quiet reflection or writing. And I often waste what little free time I have trolling about on the internet. Facebook seems to have a voracious appetite when it comes to my time.

I miss writing. And ironically, I don't really have the words to say how very much I miss it. If I wrote more, perhaps the words would come more easily.

Family and work obligations often preclude writing. Inertia and self-doubt accompany a host of other paltry reasons not to write. But at thirty-five years old, I'm beginning to understand that life moves so incredibly fast. My God, where does all the time go? If I don't put pen to paper now, when will I ever do it?

I am anxious to write, anxious to get back into wordsmithing. I am anxious to grow as an artist and as a person. I am anxious to explore a host of new possibilities and subject areas. I am determined to consistently put my thoughts in written form. I will embrace the resolve necessary to publish serious and thought-provoking work. I will do this. I will.

Married Life

I married the beautiful woman with freckles that I wrote about in my last post. Our wedding took place on Sunday, May 10, 2009 (Mother's Day) at the Historic Courthouse in Lapeer. I like introducing her as my wife.

Developments

Since I last posted in March of 2008, I've begun to love a beautiful woman with a bright smile and freckles. She is loud and opinionated, and shaped like a goddess. Truly a gorgeous wild thing that cannot be tamed. She cooks for me, prays for me, accepts me. Without a doubt, she was completely unexpected, and just what I need.

I find her immensely frustrating at times, but can't really imagine being without her. When I'm not around, other women make comments to her. They say things like, "He's really in love with you." The freckled, gorgeous wild thing replies "Yes ... he is." I know about these conversations because she tells me about them afterward.

We struggle through life together quite happily. Both of us face health challenges at this time, but we face them with each other, and that is so much better than going through it alone.

I get the impression she was custom made for me. God knows I wouldn't have been able to design her on my own.

Believing

Some things are easy to believe, while others are not. I believe that I will be paid every two weeks, and I spend virtually no time whatsoever worrying about it. But when it comes to issues that are closer to the heart, issues that are more fundamentally important, it's harder to believe.

I do believe in a grand scheme of things. I believe that my paths will be directed if I but ask for it. I believe that the remedy for my unbelief is to ask "help my unbelief." For me these things are difficult to believe, and I am tempted to try to take matters into my own hands. I don't even know what "taking matters into my own hands" would look like, but that's the temptation nonetheless. Sometimes I worry that no one hears my prayers, so I shouldn't spend much time praying them. Sometimes I think that my prayers are really just an excuse for my weakness, and not wanting to "handle the situation."

I have so much respect for the people who have a deep, abiding faith. They steadfastly believe in things that they cannot see. They actually have, and experience on a regular basis, a hopeful expectation that everything (and I do mean everything) will work out in the end. Maybe it won't work out the way they would like, but it will work out.

I'm working on having stronger faith, and believing things with more gusto. A friend told me recently that her whole life changed when she started taking the time to be thankful. She focused on being thankful for everything she could think of, and it changed her perspective. I wonder if it strengthened her belief. I'll bet it did.

First Loves

During the past few weeks I've gone back to a couple of my first loves: fiction and languages. I purchased three or four novels recently and I got quite a few books on French and Spanish from the library. I'm seriously considering working as a French tutor to make a little extra money.

I agonized over what novels to read when I decided to whet my appetite for fiction. I stood in a couple of used bookstores for a looooong time. One of the bookstores is in Ann Arbor. It's called Dawn Treader Book Shop. It has a skylight in the back of the building, so when I stood there browsing, the sun shone right on me. It was a pleasant experience.

A Thousand Thoughts

Merry Christmas.

What are your thoughts these days? I have too many to list here, but I'll share a portion of the thousand thoughts that have been going through my mind lately.

-- The internet is absolutely marvelous. BUT, it's not as good as having a great conversation over a pint with five of the smartest friends you have. Knowledgeable friends are truly a great resource.

-- Reading the old-fashioned way (with a book) is much better than reading things online. You must hold the book and turn the pages with your own hands. Man has done it this way for over a thousand years, and it's a good method. I believe that if the book is well made, the reader is more likely to have a measure of respect for the text (and the author). If I wrote a book, I'd do my best to make sure that my writing was presented in an acceptable format. No cheap paper with gaudy illustrations on the cover.

-- I want to learn to play poker. Who ever heard of a lawyer who doesn't know how to play poker? My friends have tried to teach me a couple of times. I just sat and pretended to pay attention. I will know how the game is played before 2007 ends.

-- Churches that have candles tend to be nicer places of worship (at least aesthetically).

-- I have decided to begin drinking beer brewed here in Michigan. I was born in Michigan, I have spent the vast majority of my 32 years in Michigan, and by God's grace my bones will be laid to rest and ultimately resurrected in Michigan. It would be wrong for a beer drinking Michigan man to not support Michigan brewers.

-- The rabbits that lived in my backyard have apparently moved away. I only saw a rabbit once this past summer. They were here for about three summers in a row. I'm sorry that they moved on.

-- I'm not a fan of saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." I understand that not everyone celebrates Christmas. But I do, and it shouldn't be a breach of etiquette to say "Merry Christmas." I wouldn't get all bent out of shape if someone wished me a Happy Hanukkah or a Happy Eid. If people don't want to say "Merry Christmas" that's fine. But those who are concerned about being politically correct shouldn't try to re-label or re-package Christmas songs as "Holiday songs." If it's a Christmas song, it should be called a Christmas song. On that note ...

"Then the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.'"

The Gospel According to Luke 2: 10-11

Merry Christmas.

Being Full

I'm finding that rest is not enough. One also needs spiritual/emotional "nutrition." Receiving the proper food for the soul/mind enables a person to have something substantive to offer. I know the little things are important: reading a good book, taking a walk, listening to the wind blow through tree branches. But this way of thinking, living, being ... it's difficult to embrace.

When I remember to appreciate the little things, I experience satisfaction and a very real sense of being full. I like it.