Maleness, Manhood, Masculinity, Machismo
I know it when I see it, but I find it difficult to define. It consists of more than working with tools, enjoying sports, and silent displays of strength. Displays of values like courage, or a willingness to protect don't suffice either. Some of the most feminine people display those qualities. Hmm ... it more of an attitude? A posture? If nothing else, it is a list of don'ts:
Don't hold your books/binder up by your chest; hold them down by your side.
Don't put your hand in front of your mouth when you laugh.
Don't hold a cigar between your thumb and index finger; hold it between your middle and index fingers.
Don't sit in a chair with your knees together.
Don't allow your hand to hang limply from your wrist.
Don't giggle. Laugh or chuckle instead.
Don't gossip, especially about romantic relationships.
Don't discuss women's fashion. If you absolutely must, do NOT do it enthusiastically.
Don't tell your male friends they hurt your feelings, even if they did.
Don't ever ask a male friend "are you mad at me?" Ask, "what's wrong?" if you absolutely must.
Don't show weakness, fear, or hesitation. If you absolutely must, minimize them as much as possible.
Yes, some of the items on this list seem ... silly, petty, inconsequential. But rest assured, they are "markers," indicators of sexual orientation as well as status within a same-sex peer group. I will not argue that the items on this list display some sort of inherent logic, or seem particularly rational. They are merely the result of my observations, and I am willing to admit that things may be different in other parts of the world. In fact, I am curious to see if that is the case. I am also willing to admit that some of these items may be the result of a dangerously unhealthy view of masculinity in particular, and personhood in general.
Don't hold your books/binder up by your chest; hold them down by your side.
Don't put your hand in front of your mouth when you laugh.
Don't hold a cigar between your thumb and index finger; hold it between your middle and index fingers.
Don't sit in a chair with your knees together.
Don't allow your hand to hang limply from your wrist.
Don't giggle. Laugh or chuckle instead.
Don't gossip, especially about romantic relationships.
Don't discuss women's fashion. If you absolutely must, do NOT do it enthusiastically.
Don't tell your male friends they hurt your feelings, even if they did.
Don't ever ask a male friend "are you mad at me?" Ask, "what's wrong?" if you absolutely must.
Don't show weakness, fear, or hesitation. If you absolutely must, minimize them as much as possible.
Yes, some of the items on this list seem ... silly, petty, inconsequential. But rest assured, they are "markers," indicators of sexual orientation as well as status within a same-sex peer group. I will not argue that the items on this list display some sort of inherent logic, or seem particularly rational. They are merely the result of my observations, and I am willing to admit that things may be different in other parts of the world. In fact, I am curious to see if that is the case. I am also willing to admit that some of these items may be the result of a dangerously unhealthy view of masculinity in particular, and personhood in general.
posted by Wordsmyth at
9:04 PM
6 Comments:
It is also vital to never display ignorance of porn stars, sports geekdom, tools and cars.
Being an English teacher (and discussing poetry and Shakespeare) pretty much ensures I'm going to be seen doing "girls only" activities on a weekly basis.
Being annoyed by vehement hockey arguments breaking out in the office and talking about this week's "House" instead doesn't look good either, I guess. Reason #257 why I'm single. Women only say they want a guy they can talk to. They actually seem to want a guy they can talk at who won't understand.
Guys who have no interest in sports can substitute by an interest in video games or role-playing. In my opinion, this typically results in a lack of prestige, but roleplaying folk tend to be highly intelligent, and can find other ways to compensate for their lack of athletic prowess.
Guys who cannot work with tools can compesate by being knowledgeable about computers or other technology. Perhaps I'm wrong, but Bill Gates doesn't strike me as a handy-man type. But he is surely an alpha male. It is virtually impossible to find an alpha male who does not exhibit masculine characteristics.
There's a difference between "conquering the world" and "manifesting superficially alphic-seeming traits"
i don't think it's about knowledge. it's about an air. it can partly be learned...but partly it's internal.
anson, i know i already told you this--bethy and i cooked up the mariko theory of feminity after watching her wash the dishes. she washed each thing with such care--it was an art. i realized that to me this was feminine--doing things with gentleness and care.
of course that's not all there is to being womanly..
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Your are Nice. And so is your site! Maybe you need some more pictures. Will return in the near future.
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